Monday, November 19, 2012

My Unruly Mistresses

I'm trying to get there from here
and I need to get there fast
but that bitch is having none of it

she wants me to see that Amish farm
three gravel roads from hell
that biggest ball of twine
In Darrin Miller's front yard
the duck pond
just outside Bugtussel

finally, I can take no more
"Fuck You, Bitch!
I'm not taking all those two lanes
through every shit bag town
in Nebraska."

she pouts, gets quiet,
ignores my plea for reroute

I tap her lightly
change gears in demeanor
stroke her
"Please, Baby?
I really need a freeway."

she sighs,
and I feel bad

I need to make a call
tentatively, I press the button
on she I call Blue Tooth

"Say a command"
I smile
now we're talkin!
"call Dad"

she pauses

"Did you say, call Mab?"

I nearly cry, but know I can't win
I demur
"yes, please"

she's ready for this
"I don't understand. Call Mab?"

I cringe
"Yes."(she doesn't like please)

not only has she changed my father's name to mab
but she's forcing me to be rude.
"calling mab"
she says with deep satisfaction.

I need to check an email
which means waking Sheila
the cell phone from hell

she just rolls over and pulls the covers
over her head as I watch
the little gray line not move

I tap it lightly,
try to hold my temper
but she aint buyin

"c'mon bitch, wake up!"
I bang her on the dash
"it's not like I'm asking for tickets
to the Met!"

she giggles
and the line moves ever so slightly
-then stops

I caress the line
stroke her gently
coax her love
"c'mon, Baby
give Daddy some sugar."

but it's no use
I know her moods
and her evil sisters' moods

and I lay now
the rose of sympathy
at the tomb of Solomon
questioning his wisdom