My Unruly Mistresses

I'm trying to get there from here

and I need to get there fast

but that bitch is having none of it

she wants me to see that Amish farm

three gravel roads from hell

that biggest ball of twine

In Darrin Miller's front yard

the duck pond

just outside Bugtussel

finally, I can take no more

"Fuck You, Bitch!

I'm not taking all those two lanes

through every shit bag town

in Nebraska."

she pouts, gets quiet,

ignores my plea for reroute

I tap her lightly

change gears in demeanor

stroke her

"Please, Baby?

I really need a freeway."

she sighs,

"trying"

and I feel bad

I need to make a call

tentatively, I press the button

on she I call Blue Tooth

"Say a command"

I smile

now we're talkin!

"call Dad"

she pauses

"Did you say, call Mab?"

I nearly cry, but know I can't win

I demur

"yes, please"

she's ready for this

"I don't understand. Call Mab?"

I cringe

"Yes."(she doesn't like please)

not only has she changed my father's name to mab

but she's forcing me to be rude.

"calling mab"
she says with deep satisfaction.

I need to check an email

which means waking Sheila

the cell phone from hell

she just rolls over and pulls the covers
over her head as I watch
the little gray line not move

I tap it lightly,

try to hold my temper

but she aint buyin

"c'mon bitch, wake up!"

I bang her on the dash

"it's not like I'm asking for tickets

to the Met!"

she giggles

and the line moves ever so slightly

-then stops

I caress the line

stroke her gently

coax her love

"c'mon, Baby

give Daddy some sugar."

but it's no use

I know her moods

and her evil sisters' moods

and I lay now
the rose of sympathy
at the tomb of Solomon
questioning his wisdom