well, it's confirmed
I took the Shlitzenbauer and Meinkouf test
and the results are in
-I'm crazier than bat shit
I shoulda knowed it
when my long time therapist
hung up his shingle
to become a tattoo artist
three doors down from the Hell's Angels
but no, I needed a second opinion
and after ten minutes of ink blots
she threw the cards in the air
"What the fuck's a matter with you?
none of those answers are in the book!"
I shoulda knowed it in sixth grade
when Sister Laurel broke down in tears
"You're the devil's spawn, Richard!
God's no match for you."
I shoulda knowed it my senior year
when I handed the principal
my 117th absence note
written by me, and he just winked
"You just take as much time off as you need, Son"
I shoulda knowed it when my poor demented mother
lay dying, with tubes running out her nose
and shit running down her leg
"You know, you just ain't right, boy."
I shoulda knowed it a thousand times
a thousand ways
by the looks in their eyes
by the ways mother's prayed
when I looked at their daughters
I'm nuttier than planters
fruitier than a Florida grove
loopier than a Disney roller coaster
and the Germans in Cosmopolitan
just proved it.